“Viagra is destroying our government”

March 12, 2008

“Viagra is destroying our government”

I read that quote today in a NYT articleabout the Eliot Spitzer scandal and how differently men and women commentators have interpreted the event.  In general, males have taken the view that Spitzer’s paying for sex was either (1) awful, but only in light of his self-righteous, moralistic policies or so-call principles or (2) basically irrelevant (eg, Alan Dershowitz: “Big deal, married man goes to prostitute.”)   Women, on the other hand, focused on Poor Mrs. Spitzer and why, oh why, men do these things. 

Joy Behar, a host on the View, summed it up for me:  “Aren’t you sick of men? . . . Viagra is destroying our government.”  Amen Sista. 

I know I’m probably gonna get some comments along the lines of “Oh, Bitter Girl,” (I’m going anonymous now, remember), “not all men are pigs,” or “Come on, Goody-Goody Girl, this is just the way the world works.”  No, no, no, I won’t accept it. 

Ok, I’ll accept the premise that not all men are pigs (an interesting hypothesis that needs more research and experimentation) but I won’t accept that this behavior is “no big deal.”  And, quite frankly, I’m tired of it.

Now this news came on the heals of my weekend trip to Palm Springs and LA.  And I must say, I had a really wonderful time (many thanks to my friend DMM and to her family for hosting).  The moment I heard about Spitzer, I was sitting outside of a pretty upscale coffee shop in Palm Springs, roasting in the sun (I’m worried about my fair skin on the west coast…) and thus far had been somewhat successful in overlooking the massive amounts of plastic and pulled-tight faces in the desert. 

 

After all, who am I to judge? 

But today, having let the news soak in a bit, I’m just fed up.  I’m fed up with seeing women undergo serious procedures to make them feel beautiful in the eyes of men.  I’m fed up with seeing married women raising children, with the inevitable changing body that comes with child bearing, and upon hearing of their cheating husband, having to also hear crazies like Dr. Laura Schlessinger say: “Yes, I hold women accountable for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love and kindness and respect and attention they need.”  I’m fed up with going to Barnes and Noble and seeing shelves and shelves of books for women like: “How to Be a Super Hot Woman: 339 Tips to Make Every Man Fall in Love with You and Every Woman Envy You,” (see disclaimer below) and “Stop Getting Dumped!:  All You Need to Know to Make Men Fall Madly In Love With you and Marry ‘The One’ In 3 Years or Less” (I swear, I did not make that up.)  Meanwhile, on the men’s shelf (or small corner of a shelf) is “The Complete A** Hole’s Guide to Handling Chicks” and “The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed.”  (Again, I did not make these up.)  

But what I’m fed up with the most is that when an affair happens, particularly one in the public eye, what women talk about is why men stray.  What we should be talking about, ladies, is why women stay.     

Again, who am I to judge – and in fact, I can’t honestly say that I would have certainly left my ex had he actually come to me and said, “Hey, I screwed up, I’m sorry.”  After all, we are human and I get that.  But even still, that’s what we should be talking about:  Why would I have stayed?  Why might Mrs. Spitzer stay?  Why did Hilary stay?  (ok, I don’t need comments on that one).  And why have the women who left do so?  I’m not saying at all that leaving is better than staying, or vice versa.  All I’m saying is that when we talk about the Poor Mrs. Spitzers of the World, we shouldn’t discuss whyhe cheated on her.  It’s a wasted effort.  There are a thousand reasons, some which don’t involve men being pigs, and many that do.  Instead, what we should focus on, ladies, is why should the Poor Mrs. Spitzers of the World stay or leave (realizing, of course, it’s an individual decision).  After all, she’s the only person over whom she has control – and hallelujah – she DOES have a choice to maintain that control.  Our discussions should remind The Poor Mrs. Spitzers of the World of that and encourage her to use it.     

** Disclaimer: In the interest of full disclosure, I read this book, in approximately 37 minutes cover to cover.  (shame, shame).  It was TERRIBLE by the way.  I’m not kidding, one of the 339 tips basically said “Be pretty.”  Oh, I never thought of that, thanks so much. And, in the interest of more full disclosure, I’m now reading “Why Men Love Bitches.”  (more shame, shame).  This one is actually pretty good and funny - I’ll blog about it soon.

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